12/6 and 12/7

So these past two days I personally have not felt too great about. I'm trying to stick to my diet and eat the right amount of calories but sometimes I don't know how many calories I am eating. Like when I go to the dining hall. I have no idea how many calories are in the food I am eating. So I try to be conscious of the amounts of food I am having but I always feel like I am eating way too much.
Not knowing if I am staying on track with my diet makes me really upset because I feel like it will slow down my progress. I cannot stand how slow the process of losing weight is. So, the fact that I feel like I might be slowing it even further has been slightly upsetting.
I've been trying to be body positive. I try looking at myself and smiling and thinking that the body I currently have is beautiful. But that is not working. I tell myself that then my brain goes, "stop lying to yourself." I have thoughts like this practically every day. I am always demeaning myself and telling myself that I am not thin enough, or pretty enough, or good enough. I am extremely hard on myself. I am my own toughest critic. I don't want to be, but I also don't really know how to change it. I try to say these positive things about myself, and half of me believes it and I smile for a fraction of a second. Then, however, my very mean brain comes in and says, "you're an idiot. You are nowhere near where you need/want to be." It's pretty rough. It also really bums me out.
I guess this is why I don't believe other people when they tell me I'm pretty or smart. My brain just tells me they are lying. But, sometimes it won't say anything. Instead, it will flash images of someone who is much more desirable than I am. I think that hurts even more than the words do. It feels like someone will tell me that I'm pretty and my brain will just flash an image of this one person. And in that moment my brain is telling me "you might be kind of pretty but you'll never be as pretty as her, and there's nothing you're ever going to do that will make you that beautiful." That makes me feel like absolute crap.
I know I shouldn't compare myself to others and that I should love myself. But that is hard when society is telling me that there is a standard of beauty and I don't fit it. I really wish I knew how to ignore basically the whole world shoving these ideas onto me.

Food for 12/7:
Breakfast: Protein shake
Lunch: Salad and a blueberry bagel
Dinner: Pesto chicken pasta, one piece of garlic bread, and a salad

Water:
9-10 cups

Exercise:
None on 12/7 (it was my busy day)
I did workout on 12/6 though. I got through four of the 5 assigned pilates videos and also did a stretching video.

Something I like about myself:
My eyebrows