Days 11 and 12
So these past two days I have done pretty well with my diet. I wouldn't say I excel at dieting but for me I've been doing pretty well. I think when I have more stuff to do besides sit around and watch TV or do homework I am not too concerned with eating. I think that is going to be the key for me losing the weight. I have to keep myself preoccupied in order to stop myself from overeating. Yesterday I was in class, so I couldn't really eat. Then after class I was hanging out with my little and g-little. Because we were doing stuff all night I wasn't really thinking about food.
I still haven't heard anything back from any medical schools and I'm getting nervous. I'm trying not to stress myself out about it but that is kind of hard when you keep hearing about other people going to interviews. Hopefully I will hear back soon.
I don't really remember what I ate on day 11 so we're just gonna put down day 12
Day 12 Food:
Breakfast: None. Woke up too late again.
Lunch: Green Giant rice and veggies
Dinner: Noodles & Co. Whole grain pasta fresca
Snacks: Ritz crackers with peanut butter, almonds
Water: 8 cups
Exercise: none. I'll get there some day.
Thing(s) I accomplished: Day 11-
Day 12- I got an A on my 10 page rough draft
Thing(s) I like about myself:
I like that I know a lot of weird animal facts (For example: Kangaroos have 3 vaginas)
I like how sound of a sleeper I am. I can pretty much sleep through anything. It's great.
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
Day 10
Day 10
Hello! Welcome to my blog about how I'm trying to better my self worth and self image. If you think this blog is dumb, don't read it. If you like it, good! I'm glad I can bring you some joy or whatever it is you like about this.
So today was okay. As I try to lose weight I realize that I am ALWAYS hungry. I never feel like I should not be eating and this is something I am trying to work on. I should be eating small meals throughout the day but today I don't really know what it is I was doing. I ate three very small main meals today and then just kind of went crazy later on in the day. I felt okay after eating my meals but felt kind of bad about my snack choices. I pretty much just ate anything I could get my hands on. I really need to go shopping and stock up on yummy healthy snacks but this is hard when I constantly crave chocolate and fries.
I have heard that if you stop eating junk food then you will crave it less and less as time goes on. Maybe I should focus on cutting out junk food in addition to eating less and only eating when I am hungry.
Food:
Breakfast: Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich (english muffin, egg, cheese, sausage patty)
Lunch: 1 bag (2.66 servings) of Lay's potato chips... felt bad about it when I was eating it but it was delicious
Dinner: 2 servings of Progresso beef pot roast soup
Snacks: dark chocolate pretzels (about 7 total), 3 dill pickles, 1 medium sized chocolate chip cookie
I feel bad for so much snacking but I was hungry... I'll work on it
Water: 6 cups... I really need to make myself drink more water
Exercise: I really suck and didn't workout again... it's hard to be motivated to workout at the end of a term
Thing I accomplished: I weighed myself today and I have somehow managed to lose 2 pounds! I have no idea how, probably just normal weight fluctuations but I'm going to say it was because I kind of tried.
Thing I like about myself: I like my calves. I don't know why but they've always had this defined lateral line. I just like it. I think I have it because I only walk up stairs on my tiptoes.
Hello! Welcome to my blog about how I'm trying to better my self worth and self image. If you think this blog is dumb, don't read it. If you like it, good! I'm glad I can bring you some joy or whatever it is you like about this.
So today was okay. As I try to lose weight I realize that I am ALWAYS hungry. I never feel like I should not be eating and this is something I am trying to work on. I should be eating small meals throughout the day but today I don't really know what it is I was doing. I ate three very small main meals today and then just kind of went crazy later on in the day. I felt okay after eating my meals but felt kind of bad about my snack choices. I pretty much just ate anything I could get my hands on. I really need to go shopping and stock up on yummy healthy snacks but this is hard when I constantly crave chocolate and fries.
I have heard that if you stop eating junk food then you will crave it less and less as time goes on. Maybe I should focus on cutting out junk food in addition to eating less and only eating when I am hungry.
Food:
Breakfast: Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich (english muffin, egg, cheese, sausage patty)
Lunch: 1 bag (2.66 servings) of Lay's potato chips... felt bad about it when I was eating it but it was delicious
Dinner: 2 servings of Progresso beef pot roast soup
Snacks: dark chocolate pretzels (about 7 total), 3 dill pickles, 1 medium sized chocolate chip cookie
I feel bad for so much snacking but I was hungry... I'll work on it
Water: 6 cups... I really need to make myself drink more water
Exercise: I really suck and didn't workout again... it's hard to be motivated to workout at the end of a term
Thing I accomplished: I weighed myself today and I have somehow managed to lose 2 pounds! I have no idea how, probably just normal weight fluctuations but I'm going to say it was because I kind of tried.
Thing I like about myself: I like my calves. I don't know why but they've always had this defined lateral line. I just like it. I think I have it because I only walk up stairs on my tiptoes.
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
Day 9
Day 9
So today was kind of a boring day. I went to woke up, went to work, came home, ate and did my art project. I am about to take a shower and do my homework. Sadly, I can't work out today because my art project took way longer than I thought it would. And although it took so long it still didn't turn out at all like I wanted it to, but whatever. It was good enough.
No breakdowns today so thats better than yesterday. However I did have a slight freakout because I got an email from a medical school. I got nervous because I was worried that it might be about interviews. It wasn't. They just told me they got my application... So still waiting to hear back from 16 schools about interviews and I will have a small heart attack every time I see an email from a school. Hopefully they come back sooner rather than later.
Food:
Breakfast- nature valley almond bar
Lunch- milk and salad (spinach, black olives, carrots, Italian dressing)... there were no tomatoes at the salad bar at work which made me sad because tomatoes are one of my favorite foods.
Dinner- made up for lack of tomatoes at lunch by eating 4 midsized tomatoes. I also had one of those Green Giant veggie and rice things.
Dessert- dark chocolate pretzels
Snacks-2 fun sized M&M packs
Water: 4 cups I plan on drinking more when I do my homework
Exercise: none. I suck. maybe tomorrow.
Thing I accomplished: I finished my art project
Thing I like about myself: I like how good I am with cats. Cats and I just get each other.
So today was kind of a boring day. I went to woke up, went to work, came home, ate and did my art project. I am about to take a shower and do my homework. Sadly, I can't work out today because my art project took way longer than I thought it would. And although it took so long it still didn't turn out at all like I wanted it to, but whatever. It was good enough.
No breakdowns today so thats better than yesterday. However I did have a slight freakout because I got an email from a medical school. I got nervous because I was worried that it might be about interviews. It wasn't. They just told me they got my application... So still waiting to hear back from 16 schools about interviews and I will have a small heart attack every time I see an email from a school. Hopefully they come back sooner rather than later.
Food:
Breakfast- nature valley almond bar
Lunch- milk and salad (spinach, black olives, carrots, Italian dressing)... there were no tomatoes at the salad bar at work which made me sad because tomatoes are one of my favorite foods.
Dinner- made up for lack of tomatoes at lunch by eating 4 midsized tomatoes. I also had one of those Green Giant veggie and rice things.
Dessert- dark chocolate pretzels
Snacks-2 fun sized M&M packs
Water: 4 cups I plan on drinking more when I do my homework
Exercise: none. I suck. maybe tomorrow.
Thing I accomplished: I finished my art project
Thing I like about myself: I like how good I am with cats. Cats and I just get each other.
Monday, October 10, 2016
Days 3-8
Days 3-8
So I let my sickness consume me and didn't post anything for a while. I also just got super busy and overwhelmed so I was focused on some other stuff that I had to get done for school. But now I should be back for a while.
So today I am posting for Day 8. Days 3-7 were a mess so we are just going to move forward with our lives. Today was the first day that I actually felt 100% recovered from my illness. Which was great because I could not deal with feeling like crap anymore.
Today was kind of a weird day for me. It started off pretty well. My first class was cancelled so I got to wake up later than usual. Because I had extra time today I figured I would dress up and look nice. Before I left for class I was really happy with myself. I thought I looked really cute and the dress I was wearing made me look pretty thin.
Tonight was different though. First I started to worry about medical school. Every time I open my email now I am worried that I will get another rejection email. I have almost no faith that anywhere will even ask me back for an interview. I think I finished my secondaries too late and I don't think I have any exceptional qualities that I think would set me apart from anyone.
I also got really upset about my weight tonight. I started thinking about all the things I don't like about myself and of course my body came to mind. That feeling was only worsened when I changed out of my dress into my pajamas. My dresser is right next to my mirror so anytime I change out of clothes I am forced to look at my naked/partially naked body. Tonight as I looked at myself I could only see things that I hated. Mainly my thighs and my stomach. I just glimpsed at them and started to cry. I keep asking myself why I let myself gain so much weight. I also kept asking myself why I keep doing this to myself. Why don't I work to get thinner? Why do I keep purposely failing? Why do I just keep telling myself that I am going to be fat forever? I know that it is physically possible for me to lose weight, but for some reason I feel like it isn't.
I felt like absolute crap about myself tonight and that's something that I really need to change about myself. I really need to stop feeling bad for myself and just learn to love myself. I hope I can figure that out sooner than later. Otherwise I'm just going to keep bumming myself out forever.
Food:
Breakfast- none. I didn't even wake up until lunch time
Lunch- whole wheat spaghetti with olive oil and sun-dried tomatoes
Dinner- garlic butter chicken, broccoli, and egg noodles with butter
Dessert- half of my small pumpkin pie
Snack- 4/5 dark chocolate pretzels
Water- maybe 3 cups. I failed at drinking water today.
Exercise- none today but hopefully I can hit the gym tomorrow
Thing I accomplished today: I got a couple complements from my saxophone teacher. This is unusual because usually just tells me to keep playing (if we actually play in that lesson) so he usually is too busy saying something else than giving compliments.
Something I like about myself:
So, this section was a suggestion I got from my boyfriend. He thinks it will help me to think about what I like about myself. So I guess I can try it.
I like how soft my skin is. I think maybe this is the one thing I have that sets me apart from others. I have been told by so many people that I have the softest skin they have ever felt. So I guess thats pretty cool.
So I let my sickness consume me and didn't post anything for a while. I also just got super busy and overwhelmed so I was focused on some other stuff that I had to get done for school. But now I should be back for a while.
So today I am posting for Day 8. Days 3-7 were a mess so we are just going to move forward with our lives. Today was the first day that I actually felt 100% recovered from my illness. Which was great because I could not deal with feeling like crap anymore.
Today was kind of a weird day for me. It started off pretty well. My first class was cancelled so I got to wake up later than usual. Because I had extra time today I figured I would dress up and look nice. Before I left for class I was really happy with myself. I thought I looked really cute and the dress I was wearing made me look pretty thin.
Tonight was different though. First I started to worry about medical school. Every time I open my email now I am worried that I will get another rejection email. I have almost no faith that anywhere will even ask me back for an interview. I think I finished my secondaries too late and I don't think I have any exceptional qualities that I think would set me apart from anyone.
I also got really upset about my weight tonight. I started thinking about all the things I don't like about myself and of course my body came to mind. That feeling was only worsened when I changed out of my dress into my pajamas. My dresser is right next to my mirror so anytime I change out of clothes I am forced to look at my naked/partially naked body. Tonight as I looked at myself I could only see things that I hated. Mainly my thighs and my stomach. I just glimpsed at them and started to cry. I keep asking myself why I let myself gain so much weight. I also kept asking myself why I keep doing this to myself. Why don't I work to get thinner? Why do I keep purposely failing? Why do I just keep telling myself that I am going to be fat forever? I know that it is physically possible for me to lose weight, but for some reason I feel like it isn't.
I felt like absolute crap about myself tonight and that's something that I really need to change about myself. I really need to stop feeling bad for myself and just learn to love myself. I hope I can figure that out sooner than later. Otherwise I'm just going to keep bumming myself out forever.
Food:
Breakfast- none. I didn't even wake up until lunch time
Lunch- whole wheat spaghetti with olive oil and sun-dried tomatoes
Dinner- garlic butter chicken, broccoli, and egg noodles with butter
Dessert- half of my small pumpkin pie
Snack- 4/5 dark chocolate pretzels
Water- maybe 3 cups. I failed at drinking water today.
Exercise- none today but hopefully I can hit the gym tomorrow
Thing I accomplished today: I got a couple complements from my saxophone teacher. This is unusual because usually just tells me to keep playing (if we actually play in that lesson) so he usually is too busy saying something else than giving compliments.
Something I like about myself:
So, this section was a suggestion I got from my boyfriend. He thinks it will help me to think about what I like about myself. So I guess I can try it.
I like how soft my skin is. I think maybe this is the one thing I have that sets me apart from others. I have been told by so many people that I have the softest skin they have ever felt. So I guess thats pretty cool.
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Late but Day two
I was going to post this yesterday but I came down with a fever and was to exhausted to do anything. So I am posting day two now.
So yesterday while I was at work I heard back from my first medical school. They did not want me back for an interview. That didn't make me feel too great. But I am trying to be positive about this. That was only one out of the many schools I applied to. I still have a lot of schools to hear back from and I'm sure I'll probably be asked back for an interview for a few of them. Honestly the only thing I care about is getting into 1 school.
Initially when I read the email I was really worried. I tend to let my mind go on this long train of thought where I think about all the bad things that could happen. So when I looked at the email and saw that this school didn't want me I started freaking out and thinking no school would want me. I really don't have a lot of faith in myself. Which is weird because I'm pretty optimistic in all other respects. Deep down I know that I am smart enough to get into medical school but for some reason I keep telling myself that I'm not good enough to get in. And even though I doubt myself there are so many people in my life who believe in me. They all seem to see these great qualities in me that I just don't see. I guess now I just have to try and see what they see.
Diet Stuff!
Food:
Breakfast: none. I'm not really a breakfast person and was too lazy to make myself anything before work. When I do have work I usually have a protein shake on my way there but I wasn't feeling it yesterday.
Lunch: Per my usual work lunch I had a PB&J and a string cheese.
Dinner: Beef and vegetable soup
Snack: dark chocolate covered pretzels
Water: I have no idea but it was a lot. I was so dehydrated with the fever that I kept drinking water and had to pee like every 20 minutes.
Thing I accomplished: I finished working on my presentation
So yesterday while I was at work I heard back from my first medical school. They did not want me back for an interview. That didn't make me feel too great. But I am trying to be positive about this. That was only one out of the many schools I applied to. I still have a lot of schools to hear back from and I'm sure I'll probably be asked back for an interview for a few of them. Honestly the only thing I care about is getting into 1 school.
Initially when I read the email I was really worried. I tend to let my mind go on this long train of thought where I think about all the bad things that could happen. So when I looked at the email and saw that this school didn't want me I started freaking out and thinking no school would want me. I really don't have a lot of faith in myself. Which is weird because I'm pretty optimistic in all other respects. Deep down I know that I am smart enough to get into medical school but for some reason I keep telling myself that I'm not good enough to get in. And even though I doubt myself there are so many people in my life who believe in me. They all seem to see these great qualities in me that I just don't see. I guess now I just have to try and see what they see.
Diet Stuff!
Food:
Breakfast: none. I'm not really a breakfast person and was too lazy to make myself anything before work. When I do have work I usually have a protein shake on my way there but I wasn't feeling it yesterday.
Lunch: Per my usual work lunch I had a PB&J and a string cheese.
Dinner: Beef and vegetable soup
Snack: dark chocolate covered pretzels
Water: I have no idea but it was a lot. I was so dehydrated with the fever that I kept drinking water and had to pee like every 20 minutes.
Thing I accomplished: I finished working on my presentation
Monday, October 3, 2016
Day one
So today is the day I decided to start trying to help myself. For as long as I can remember I have had some serious self image/self worth issues. These issues have stemmed from both society and multiple people but I have to get over those things. I have to look forward and just think about myself for now and not what I think other people think of me.
The first thing I'm going to try to work on is losing weight. My biggest problem with myself is my size. Even at my thinnest I never really felt like I was where I wanted to be. I've always felt fat. College has really increased this feeling. I, of course, gained the freshman 15. Whatever it's fine. Sophomore year I didn't gain anything so I was mildly happy about that. Junior year I gained 10 more pounds. Gaining that extra 10 pounds has really made it hard for me to be happy with the way I look. Now, I've never been happy with my image but recently it has been a lot worse. Before I used to be able to tell myself that I sometimes looked fine but now whenever I see myself in the mirror I just become moderately depressed. I know weight shouldn't really matter. I know I should just accept and love myself the way I am, but I can't. So now I'm going to work towards becoming the person I want to see in the mirror.
In order to reach my goal of becoming a better me I am going to post all of my diet and exercise that I have done each day as well as something I accomplished. I am doing this to show myself what good things I am currently doing so maybe I can finally stick to something.
Food:
Breakfast- Teriyaki vegetables and rice... I woke up late so I just warmed up one of my green giant meals before heading to class.
Lunch- Tomatos with salt and honey wheat pretzels
Dinner- Lobster Ravioli with olive oil and parmesan cheese... I had a chocolate veggie muffin for dessert
Water: So far I have had about 6 glasses... 2 more to go
Exercise:
Uhh nothing... I am way too busy this week. I'll try to implement an exercise routine next week
Thing(s) I accomplished today:
I finished my secondary applications for medical school today!!
The first thing I'm going to try to work on is losing weight. My biggest problem with myself is my size. Even at my thinnest I never really felt like I was where I wanted to be. I've always felt fat. College has really increased this feeling. I, of course, gained the freshman 15. Whatever it's fine. Sophomore year I didn't gain anything so I was mildly happy about that. Junior year I gained 10 more pounds. Gaining that extra 10 pounds has really made it hard for me to be happy with the way I look. Now, I've never been happy with my image but recently it has been a lot worse. Before I used to be able to tell myself that I sometimes looked fine but now whenever I see myself in the mirror I just become moderately depressed. I know weight shouldn't really matter. I know I should just accept and love myself the way I am, but I can't. So now I'm going to work towards becoming the person I want to see in the mirror.
In order to reach my goal of becoming a better me I am going to post all of my diet and exercise that I have done each day as well as something I accomplished. I am doing this to show myself what good things I am currently doing so maybe I can finally stick to something.
Food:
Breakfast- Teriyaki vegetables and rice... I woke up late so I just warmed up one of my green giant meals before heading to class.
Lunch- Tomatos with salt and honey wheat pretzels
Dinner- Lobster Ravioli with olive oil and parmesan cheese... I had a chocolate veggie muffin for dessert
Water: So far I have had about 6 glasses... 2 more to go
Exercise:
Uhh nothing... I am way too busy this week. I'll try to implement an exercise routine next week
Thing(s) I accomplished today:
I finished my secondary applications for medical school today!!
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