11/30

I did not make much progress today. I did not watch as much TV as usual but I still watched more TV than I would have liked too. I just find it hard to get myself to do something productive when I only have a certain amount of time. For example I know any part of my homework is going to take me more than one hour but after class I only have an hour before band, so I just tell my self, well I might as well just watch TV to fill the time. I have to keep myself from doing that and just work on some homework anyways. At least then I'll be getting something done.

Something weird happened today. I was sad after my boyfriend told me I was beautiful. This isn't the only time this has happened. It actually happens a lot. Not all the time, but still pretty frequently. Sometimes I will take it as a compliment and I'll think it's sweet that he tells me I am beautiful all the time. However, other times I become sad because I don't think I am beautiful. Then I feel like he is lying to me even though I know he isn't. So, I tell myself he is telling the truth but I also go on and tell myself that there is someone he thinks is much more attractive than I am. I think that it doesn't matter or not if he thinks I am beautiful. I'll never be the most beautiful. There's always going to be someone who is prettier than me.
When I think like this I also get mad at myself. Like, why does it matter how pretty I am? There's more to me than just my physical appearance. I have a lot more to offer. There are so many more important things in life than looks. Who cares if you don't look like celebrities and models? Who cares if your not stick thin? But then I always think... well I do. I don't want to and it's something I am going to try to work on. I just don't really know how to fix it. I have been thinking like this for half of my life. How do you change how you have been thinking? I hope I figure it out soon because I hate that I get so upset about this.

Food:
Breakfast- Protein shake
Lunch- Smoked sausage, broccoli, pomegranates 
Dinner- Small pulled pork sandwich
Snack- Spoon of peanut butter, half a cookie I shared with my roommate

Water:
About 10 cups

Exercise:
None. Wednesdays are my busiest days. So, I think I will use Wednesdays as rest days.

Something I like about myself:
How incredibly hilarious I can be. 

11/29

Today was kind of a lazy day. I still managed to workout but I didn't really do anything else I wanted to do. I pretty much just watched TV for most of the day once I got off from work at 1:30. Now about an hour of that time was spent also cleaning pomegranates but I still probably watched about 3 hours of TV. I think that is something I need to work on, limiting my TV time. Once I start I just don't feel like doing anything else. I need to be more motivated to study for my classes and exercise more. I guess I could even practice for my music lessons if I just stopped watching TV and went to the music building. So, in addition to trying to lose weight I'm going to try to explore new things I can do each day in place of watching TV.

Food:
Breakfast: about a half a cup of spaghetti and meat sauce (I had forgotten to refrigerate my protein shakes so I just found something I could eat quickly.)
Lunch: Protein shake
Dinner: About a cup and a half of pomegranate seeds, polish sausage, toast, Green Giant veggies for one
Snack: Peanut butter, probably about a tbs

Water:
I failed at water drinking today and only met half my goal at four cups.

Exercise: 
I did a 35 minute dance workout and some yoga

Something I like about myself:
I like how I can get a long with most people. I would consider myself a kind person and don't really have any trouble finding common ground with people.

Getting Back in the Game

So it has been a while since I have kept track of my health and I need to get back on it, so I start today! In the middle of the holiday season... I'm going to push through this. I need to for both my mental and physical health.
Since I have been off my "diet" I have really been mad at myself. I have really high standards for myself and I feel as if I don't meet any of them currently. This is why I get mad at myself when I don't stick to a diet and exercise plan. I know I want to lose 40 pounds so why am I eating this whole cake by myself? I see other girls that I aspire to look like body-wise but I am just a loaf of a girl who needs to do something for herself. I want to stop feeling bad about myself whenever I see someone I think is significantly prettier than I am. Now I am really going to try and hold my self accountable for all aspects of my health and I hope that I can hold my self to that from this day forward. I need to get into a better physical state mainly because I am out of shape and a little overweight. Do I need to lose 40 pounds? No. Realistically I only need to lose about 20 to be within my healthy weight range, but I want to be happy with what I see in the mirror. I believe that will require me to get down to the goal weight I had set for myself about 8 years ago. I also need to work on my mental health. I know looks aren't everything and I need to focus on other aspects of my life. I can't let myself get so upset just because of my weight, because in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter. I have value as a person and I need to look deep within myself to find it.

Food:
Breakfast: Protein shake
Lunch: 2 servings of steak and potato soup
Dinner: A ham and croissant sandwich and about half a cup of macaroni salad
Snack: Salted sun flower seeds, about half a tablespoon of peanut butter

Water:
8 cups! I finally drank enough water in one day! (I really hated how much I had to pee)

Exercise:
Pilates belly bloat blaster (pop pilates video)

Something I like about myself:
I like how I can let lose and dance around for hours by myself. I think it is important to be able to enjoy the little fun things I can do every so often just so that I don't become to stressed or get bogged down in monotony.