Days 3-8

Days 3-8
So I let my sickness consume me and didn't post anything for a while. I also just got super busy and overwhelmed so I was focused on some other stuff that I had to get done for school. But now I should be back for a while.
So today I am posting for Day 8. Days 3-7 were a mess so we are just going to move forward with our lives. Today was the first day that I actually felt 100% recovered from my illness. Which was great because I could not deal with feeling like crap anymore.
Today was kind of a weird day for me. It started off pretty well. My first class was cancelled so I got to wake up later than usual. Because I had extra time today I figured I would dress up and look nice. Before I left for class I was really happy with myself. I thought I looked really cute and the dress I was wearing made me look pretty thin.
Tonight was different though. First I started to worry about medical school. Every time I open my email now I am worried that I will get another rejection email. I have almost no faith that anywhere will even ask me back for an interview. I think I finished my secondaries too late and I don't think I have any exceptional qualities that I think would set me apart from anyone.
I also got really upset about my weight tonight. I started thinking about all the things I don't like about myself and of course my body came to mind. That feeling was only worsened when I changed out of my dress into my pajamas. My dresser is right next to my mirror so anytime I change out of clothes I am forced to look at my naked/partially naked body. Tonight as I looked at myself I could only see things that I hated. Mainly my thighs and my stomach. I just glimpsed at them and started to cry. I keep asking myself why I let myself gain so much weight. I also kept asking myself why I keep doing this to myself. Why don't I work to get thinner? Why do I keep purposely failing? Why do I just keep telling myself that I am going to be fat forever? I know that it is physically possible for me to lose weight, but for some reason I feel like it isn't.
I felt like absolute crap about myself tonight and that's something that I really need to change about myself. I really need to stop feeling bad for myself and just learn to love myself. I hope I can figure that out sooner than later. Otherwise I'm just going to keep bumming myself out forever.

Food:
Breakfast- none. I didn't even wake up until lunch time
Lunch- whole wheat spaghetti with olive oil and sun-dried tomatoes
Dinner- garlic butter chicken, broccoli, and egg noodles with butter
Dessert- half of my small pumpkin pie
Snack- 4/5 dark chocolate pretzels

Water- maybe 3 cups. I failed at drinking water today.

Exercise- none today but hopefully I can hit the gym tomorrow

Thing I accomplished today: I got a couple complements from my saxophone teacher. This is unusual because usually just tells me to keep playing (if we actually play in that lesson) so he usually is too busy saying something else than giving compliments.

Something I like about myself:
So, this section was a suggestion I got from my boyfriend. He thinks it will help me to think about what I like about myself. So I guess I can try it.
I like how soft my skin is. I think maybe this is the one thing I have that sets me apart from others. I have been told by so many people that I have the softest skin they have ever felt. So I guess thats pretty cool.